No matter how little your kids are, they understand separation and family feuds. So here are a few ways to make separation easy for them.
Focusing on your children's needs while dealing with these challenges might be difficult. Nonetheless, you should do everything possible to ease your children's worries. According to child therapist Malinski, these are the top guidelines to follow.
Plan out your method of communication
The most heartbreaking part of a divorce is breaking the news to the children. The way you convey the information has a significant effect on the reception it receives. Malinski recommends preparing your remarks in the paper, keeping them brief, and practicing them aloud multiple times in a quiet place where no one will overhear you. Thus, "you can be more fully present at the moment for your child's feelings during the dialogue without getting swept away by your own," she advises.
Don't talk about sensitive issues in front of the kids
Everyone has their own set of "hot-button problems" that, if discussed in the discussion, are guaranteed to get someone's blood boiling. Therefore, avoid bringing up any of these subjects around your children. For example, if talking about money or your ex's new love interest makes you uncomfortable, Malinski recommends postponing those conversations for more mature settings. Likewise, do not bring up these issues, or any other points of contention in your marriage, in the presence of your children; you will only give them further worry.
Let your children know you are still there for them
A breakup may be challenging, but you must be there for your kids. Find effective methods to relieve your emotional stress so you can connect with your child on an emotional level. Keep tabs on how your youngster has been doing, and if they're having any difficulty, be there to listen and offer support. Children "need to feel that their parents are still logged in," Malinski adds. To paraphrase a famous quote, "That implies the parent must pay close attention to the emotional state."
Allow children to express their emotions freely
As a result of their own intense feelings, many parents have trouble accepting their children's grief and fury following a divorce. Making room for your child's feelings, even if they're inconveniencing you, is an integral part of making sure they feel noticed and loved during a complex process, says Malinski. Allow them to experience a wide range of emotions, recognize that their sentiments will change day to day, and strive to be there for them in whatever form they need, be it a hug, a chat, or some quiet time alone.
