The dreaded three dots or as we anxious people known as Typing… is not constructive.
Still seething with anger after an argument? It seems that texting and anger do not go hand in hand. Often words are said that are not meant. Often meaningful words are not said enough. The raw emotions of the argument spread all over the text in an ugly manner. The first text you send after an argument sets the tone for the next step of the relationship.
So before channelling your anger onto your keyboard, its better to know what you want to do.
Times when you said something nasty
It happens. In the heat of the argument, you say things that are so nasty you feel angry at yourself for saying them. Be sincere about words when you text them. “I have realised what I said was offensive and I should not have. Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you like that” – something along with those lines would be constructive.
Times when you are deeply hurt
If you are hurt from the argument, tell them. “I am hurt for all the things that were said to me. I can’t move past this without feeling acknowledged”. What they do next is not under your control but seeking an apology will not be answer. The best you can do is have your perspective validated.
Times when you realise that you overreacted a bit
We have all done it. Overreacted for something that after retrospection seems a little off the top. “I realised that I have overreacted. I am sorry you were on the receiving end of it. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” – shows you are ready to take responsibility for your own action and that is a healthy way of dealing with it.
Times when you think you should talk more about the argument
If you feel there are still things that need to be discussed. “We need to talk about what happened. There were words said that I don’t feel were right. I couldn’t say it then because we were both angry but I would like to go back to it now” - sometimes it’s okay to ask for it again.
Times when you are not ready to move past it
Still angry at the argument you don’t want to just move past it. “I am hurt at what you said and even though you want to move past it, I simply can’t” – Also tell them you need more time to process.
